This one's over a week late! Oops! Sorry for the delay, enjoy the tweets:
So we start with [what else?] Maura criticizing Jane's wardrobe.
Maura says that Jane has nothing to wear and Jane point out that [much to the RizzlesGirls' dismay] that she's "wearin' something now".
And she wears clothes to work every day, too! It just isn't fair.
So, Jane doesn't care about what she's wearing because this is a pretend lesbian date. If this were a real lesbian date [with Maura] then she'd be going insane trying to find something perfect to wear, of course!
Maura thinks that Jane hasn't presented herself well on past dates. We're pretty sure she's referring to the ones with men, because last time Jane was wearing a beautiful dress, she ditched that loser at her Ma's and went running to Maura with a bottle of wine. She doesn't waste her nice clothes on fake dates, our Janie.
So, Maura advises Jane that she should look nice on these fake dates, because it's part of her job, and they take their jobs seriously.
And then Jane questions Maura's authority on the subject, because really, Maura can't have more experience in the lesbian date department, right?
Maura falters and avoids the subject- this is as surprising as when she told us that she likes marshmallow fluff on the bottom and the top of the sandwich! So it seems that Maura's been on more lesbian dates.
But she doesn't want to hurt Jane's feelings, so she redirects this to the issue at hand- clothes, of course!
So Jane picks out a random shirt that [miracle upon all miracles] is clean!
Maura seems to have a change of heart and says that this shirt is a good choice because it will keep Jane safe from "unwanted attention". I think what Maura means is "I don't want any baristas or fake dates making passes at my Janie, so I'll dress her up like a hobo". Oh, Maura, you're cute when you're possessive!
Jane tries to explain that this is her Wednesday shirt. And, duh, Maura knows that, she only watches Jane every single day, and I'm sure she's cataloged every single outfit that Jane has ever worn in that big brain of hers. For uh, fashion-related purposes, of course.
And Maura has a better idea, but it's not in Jane's closet. At this point, many of us let our imaginations run wild as we thought of just what Maura might have in mind for Jane to wear. And then we remember what Maura's supposed to be wearing later on in this episode, and we have to calm ourselves or we'll pass out before the tweets are done.
Then we go back to the whole "Jane hates pink" thing. Jane tells Maura to get out of the closet and Maura makes the usual "it was mauve" comment and criticizes Jane for falling asleep with shoes on, cos I guess she's not ready to come out of the closet yet. Jane makes some excuse about "meditating" and the girls get into their usual banter, at which point we all shake our heads knowingly and wonder when they're going to just kiss each other already. I mean,really, Maura, do you think she falls asleep all the time like that? She only does it when you're around, maybe she falls asleep with her shoes on cos she wants you to take her shoes off, geez. Then we get yet another "Jane..." cos Maura loves to leave open-ended sentences like that. And cos she's probably staring lovingly at Jane right now.
Jane seems to want to cut things off here. Cos she seems to think we know what happened anyway. Clearly though, there was something we don't know about.
And Maura tries to kill us by mentioning some process and how she "carefully...". Our imaginations go off to that place again, and we wish these deleted scenes would just go on forever.
Jane uses her usual tactics and distracts Maura, and we all pout and go back to that happy place where Maura is wearing a corset and Jane is enjoying the view.